Coming off a four day melt down...

Friday night we ministered in Mendota at Crossroads Coffee House.  It is always great to see Cathy and her family, we love them.  My poor brother, bless his heart ordered pizza one of those nights, can't remember if it was Friday or Thursday night.  I knew Micah was gonna freak out and want pizza, he loves it , and it is one of the very few things he will eat.  Cheese only of course, but he loves pizza.  So the pizza comes and I knew there was no way to get him to not want to eat it.  He is four, and with out a GFCF replacement, it is hard to tell him so he can understand, "no you can not eat that delicious pizza in front of you."  I should have made my poor brother eat it outside, I should have not allowed it to come into the house.  But I did, cause I didn't want to make my brother suffer because we are eating differently.  Needless to say Micah ate three pieces.  Three small pieces...packed with gluten and casein...it was a very bad, very bad thing.

I guess before all this we took for granted that food affected him, or ourselves for that matter like it does.  We teased Mark all weekend about giving Mikayla Mountain Dew...because she was up till 4:30 am.  But never would I have thought that pizza would really wreak such havoc in Micah's little body.  All weekend he was horrible, melt down after melt down.  Freak outs escalated, he became defiant, and he has been so well mannered for the last month.  He became unruly, and I was unable to get his attention.  He was head strong, and his obsessions quickly led to melt downs, he threw his evening routine out the window. His sensory issues sky rocketed.  He would scream and cry and not know why.  He was all in all, horrid.  I would cry because I wondered what the heck happened to my little man, who was becoming more centered and focused.  Pizza happened.  I sat with Cole and said, what was different besides the pizza, anything?  Did we miss something?  No, we had not veered from his regular routines, we didn't change anything, we just let him eat regular old pizza.  NEVER AGAIN.  Needless to say I finally found cheese alternative, but I have to go to Kroger's in Streator to find it.  That's a little over an hour away, apparently it freezes well thank goodness or I might have to pull my hair out.  But this way, I can make Mac N Cheese again, I can offer him Pizza again.  I can give him a substitute for the food he loves that won't send him into a four day tizzy.  Yes, four days.  Its Wednesday, and this morning when he got up, he did not freak out, he didn't melt down.  He wanted to go on the computer, and play one of his games (his new thing to obsess over) but he is a little more patient, and a little more focused this morning. I think the gluten is finally out.

This four day nightmare has taught me one huge thing, to trust my gut.  To know that the things God has spoken to me to do to help my son, is to be followed to the letter.  No matter who I offend I will not let that happen again.  I am going to have to be firm with the outside foods, lol.  If you don't live here, and want to eat foods that are in the danger zone, eat outside, or before you come.  I feel like the big bad wolf, but my poor son can't take gluten and casein, this whole event really hit that home for us.  My 13 year old looked at me two days ago and said, I can't wait till it gets out of his system.  It was funny because all I said was he ate some pizza, they knew from that, that I had allowed, we all allowed the enemies Gluten and Casein to infiltrate our little guys poor body...and it messed with his brain for four days...they knew it, they saw it and they sensed it.  If I questioned it before, I do not any longer- this diet works.  The few times Cole and I have veered off of it, while outside the house, we have both deeply regretted it later, if not immediately.  We felt the physical differences in our bodies.  We won't be cheating either. 

Today is my gorgeous oldest daughters 20th birthday.  It still blows my mind how awesome she is and that she is 20, a wife and an amazing mommy!  She has quickly become my best friend.  I just love her.  It was also just her 1st wedding anniversary.  Seems so odd that a year ago, life was different.  So much was different.  I helped give her away, and did part of her service.  It was the day she stepped out from under my wing and became the person I prayed she would one day become.  I just love her.  She makes me proud everyday.  I am so blessed.

It has been a crazy year.  I watched my oldest become a wife, I became a grandmother for the first time, things in the ministry rearranged again (and that is okay and we grew tremendously from it), Cole had back surgery and God taught us more about His provision, we had our whole world turned upside down because of a horrible situation that altered our family & taught us all a lot about God's faithfulness, I loved and I lost, Cole and I grew and loved and healed, we grieved and moved forward.  We lost his grandpa, we fell in love a little deeper, Cole got the best promotion we could have asked for, one that will enable us to do so much more with our family and for each other (and probably be debt free in about 5-7 years) & we learned that our fears we had that Micah really was a little different were true, but it taught us more about how  God uses those things to teach us acceptance and grace. It taught us about loving deeper, about letting God take you deeper into Him , letting Him hold you closer, about taking everyday to rejoice in what is and stop focusing on what was.  I love this kid, I am proud of him.  He rocks my world everyday.  When he cuddles up in my lap and gives me that 10 seconds of eye contact with those soft hazel eyes, I melt.  Different yes, less never, he is so much more than I am, than I could have asked for.  Would I do it over?  Not if it changed anything, I love him just the way he is...

My photo dump for the week-