Our journey and how we got here

*This is our story of how we got to the point we are at with Micah and his diagnosis. It does involve information on vaccines and vaccine injury, because they are a big part of our story. I am aware that the vaccine debate is a very hot topic; however it is part of our story and I do not run from it like it is shameful. I do not have fear that someone reading this will judge me and my family for our decisions. But never the less it is part of how we got where we are today.



our story-from a momma’s perspective:



By the time I had hit 38 weeks I was ready for Micah to come. Although I loved the feeling of his tiny body stretch and hiccup inside me; he was beginning to take up so much of my stomach I could barely breathe. I had Braxton Hicks contractions for weeks, and I was ready. When my midwife, said to head over to the hospital for induction at 39 weeks, I could not have been happier. They started the Pitocin and let my real productive labor begin. I remember the sense of calm I had all afternoon. Ready to meet my son, ready to give Cole his first son that we had created. A feeling I think most men revel in, the moment they look into the eyes of a miniature version of themselves; living out every detail of the things they will teach them…in so many ways it is what we as parents live for. Most of the rest of the night seems a blur, I was always delivered naturally without pain medication, Micah was no different. 

       The endorphin release in the body sometimes causes the events to all slur together. So my memory of times, and exact detail is very foggy. I remember sitting on the toilet, which was such a form of pressure relief for me, and feeling as if he was about to tear me open. I quietly prayed, “Father let this be about over, I do not know how much more I can take.” I really think God complied because at my next trip back to the bed, my midwife checked me to tell me I was an 8, and she sat beside me to labor through the last few contractions with me before I was complete. I was terrified. I always am when I deliver, I pull so deep inside myself that no one usually senses my fear. I always appear focused and calm, inside I am always praying, “just let everything be ok.” In my history of babies I have delivered 4 preemies, 2 of which went an hour and a half away to the closest NICU. I opened my eyes to see the room filled with loved ones, we had a large group for Micah’s arrival: my mom, Cole’s mom, my sister, my oldest daughter, my brother (in the hall), two nurses, a student nurse and my midwife. When it was time to push it seemed to take forever for him to crown! Baby number 7 should not have taken so long! As his head crowned, it was coming out with his ear towards the ceiling, so the widest part of his skull was attempting to pass. This is called oblique lie, his spine was angled towards my left side. He also had the cord wrapped around his neck. As a result when he finally slide out and they placed him in my arms, his face was purple from the bruising that had begun to form. He was fine despite the bruising. But inside I knew this would mean a high billirubin level, but I hoped he would not have to stay at the hospital without me. They cleaned him up, gave him his vitamin K shot (which I never questioned, and they never explained, even though I signed a consent form) and returned him to our arms.



Everyone was elated, photo’s taken, and Cole beamed like someone had given him a million dollars. I was proud and exhausted. When everyone went home and Micah and I were alone together in our room, I looked at him and began to introduce myself. I sang to him, I kissed his gorgeous cupid bow lips. I grinned and cried at the glory of what I just did as the intense love overflowing from my heart into every cell of my body began. I made promises to protect him, to raise him to be a Godly man, that would be respected, I swore no one and nothing would hurt him. This was that magical moment that makes the labor worth it. There is nothing like the emotions of those first few hours after your baby is born. Nothing can top those feelings. Sitting her typing this, forcing those memories back, I feel joy and sorrow. Joy at the memories of his tiny face soaking in every detail of my face in our quiet time, and sorrow that I could not protect him.





I remember them coming in with him the next day, and stating he had received his Hep B injection, again, I never asked about it, just signed the consent. Here is where I have back track a bit, I have always questioned immunization safety, and as a Christian had some moral questions as well. But I never asked those questions. I lived in fear that if I didn’t do it, someone could take my child from me. I had a friend whose children had been damaged by vaccines and I knew there were exemptions, I was just too afraid to ask the questions that I should have asked before that first injection was given at the hospital, I should have followed my gut.

Micah stayed at the hospital for a week after I was discharged, due to hyperbillirubin. My normal pediatrician was on vacation, so my old pediatrician was covering for her. He kept saying he did not understand why Micah’s jaundice was so severe. He just kept saying it must have been the bruising from the trauma of birth… I would question him, he had no answers. Finally Micah was able to come home.

Micah grew wonderfully, he was intelligent, spoke early, met all his mile stones early as well. He was the sweetest, cutest kid ever. I made sure he received every vaccine on time, but the first two sets of shots caused uncontrollable crying and fevers; he went to every well baby check up and we were happy and healthy, for the most part. Micah had more colds then his older sister did, he had ear aches every time he would teeth. He could say quite a few words by 18 months, he walked early and crawled early too. He was a typical boy, full of energy. He was very loving, and gave kisses quickly to his siblings and to mom and dad. He loved, his grandpa and daddy the best though, I have to admit, he has ALWAYS been a daddy’s and grandpa’s boy! 


Around the time he received his MMR, I noticed some subtle differences, I never said anything to Cole. I didn’t say anything to anyone, I think I was afraid to say anything, I thought it was my imagination. I thought I was just spooked; in fact this is the first time I have ever opened up about these things. He stopped saying certain words. And began to arch his back away from me and his sisters when we would hold him. He seemed to be freely loving with dad. But different with me, so I never thought much of it. I mentioned it once to his pediatrician and she said it may just be a phase.

By two he had developed obsessions for certain clothes and shoes, and would only wear those certain items, he stopped eating foods he used to eat easily, and began to only eat a select few items. He hated his hair and nails cut now, where it never bothered him before, he would say it scared him, or it hurt. He covered his ears when I would vacuum and began to look away when I would be face to face with him during conversation. He hated to have wet hands, and condensation on his sippie cup would send him into a tail spin.

In May of 2011, I gave birth to Micah’s baby sister Mikayla. He loved her and didn’t seem to display much jealousy over her arrival. In fact I don’t remember him being phased at all at first. After a few weeks he seemed to act out a little here or there. But it seemed delayed. All my other kids were immediately jealous upon the arrival of a new baby. Micah seemed to take longer to realize she was there. By this point I began to notice Micah’s food issues getting worse, along with his clothing issues and he added frequent melt downs to the pot. Not the typical melt downs kids have when they don’t get their way, but unexplainable, out of nowhere melt downs. They could last a few minutes, and they could last days. I began to research Sensory Processing Disorder, after he projectile vomited when I put mashed potatoes and broccoli to his lips. Without even biting down or opening his mouth he threw up. A few days before I had seen the show “My Strange Addictions” and the nutritionist on the show had discussed Sensory Processing Disorder when it came to foods; a light came on those short few days later when Micah vomited.







Oddly he had TONS of symptom on the list. For those of you who are curious what some of them are check out this website for a list of symptoms: Here

I talked to his pediatrician then she agreed there was some sensory issues and suggested seeing a local child psychiatrist after he turned 4, because she didn’t take children under 3 years old.

We went on with our lives and we tried to adjust to the fact Micah could not help his little quirks as weird as they could be sometimes. During this small frame of time, things began to open up in me, and things began to make some sense. At Mikayla’s 8 week checkup she received her first DTAP vaccine along with her second Hep B. She immediately stiffened, and screamed then became oddly quiet. For the next two weeks she would scream uncontrollably, she would vomit, and spike a fever from out of nowhere, she would become inconsolable then settle into a blank stare while I nursed her. It literally scared the crap out of me. I talked to one of my best friends, about it and she said, “Kris you need to do some vaccine research, this sounds like an adverse reaction.” Thinking back I remembered Micah having a very similar reaction to the first two sets. I got on line and looked at some links she gave me. I began to research everything I could get my hands on.

At Mikayla’s next appointment I told her pediatrician I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue her immunizations. Not without further research. Her doctor was well aware of her reaction to the first set, and stated it sounded like she reacted to the DTAP. Yes, my ped said it sounded like a vaccine reaction. That is a rare, rare occurrence. The more I read the more I understood my gut feelings from all these years. I was injecting my children with things that ARE NOT supposed to be in the human body, and with things that could kill you. I went to the CDC website and downloaded the list of shots, their schedule and the ingredients and googled every one. I was horrified.

Mikayla’s reaction is not rare. One I every 15 doses reacts this way. When a child reacts this way to one set, they will usually continue to react this way. It is caused by the swelling of the child’s brain.

I then discovered something else the Vitamin K given in hospitals which is given to prevent bleeding/hemorrhage in newborns can cause hyperbilirubin in newborns that have birth trauma as well as heighten their chances for Leukemia. You can read about this here: here and here

A light switch went on in my head. Was this what caused the extensive bilirubin issue in Micah? Then I was faced with the question of why on earth were my children vaccinated against Hep B, a sexually transmitted disease? None of my older children were. I was not, nor was Cole infected with Hep B, how on earth could my child contract it? They were 24 hours old when injected. The side effects of the Hep B shot are horrifying , so why the heck did I risk them for something they could not contract? And why wasn’t I told the horrors of the reactions? You can read about Hep B reactions here: here and here

As I continued to read, I was in tears. Vaccines are so important to keep our children and us as adults from disease, but why are we immunizing every child with the same dose, without seeing if they need it or are predisposed to any types of illness related to immunization reactions? Why aren’t we being shown package inserts? Why aren’t we being told the truth? Why did we go from 23 injections in 1983 to anywhere from 42-60 some now depending on the state? Why isn’t informed consent really informed consent when it comes to immunizations? Informed consent means: Consent by a patient to a surgical or medical procedure or participation in a clinical study after achieving an understanding of the relevant medical facts and the risks involved. I was NEVER told there were any risks, other than fever, muscle soreness, etc. and the only thing those forms they gave me said about anything else was that severe reactions would be crying uncontrollably for more than 2 hours call your physician. But they never said why that happens, Or what could cause it. I was angry…I was furious. I was trying to protect my child and I find out I have been injecting them, with yes the disease, but formaldehyde, anti freeze, aluminum, mercury, thermisol, aborted fetal tissue, pig and cow cells, chicken embryo cells, monkey liver cells, and the list goes on. See the chart and ingredient list here:here


and here


As time progressed Micah began to show symptoms of more than Sensory Processing Disorder and our lives have been invaded by a little boy that is now presenting signs of high functioning Asperger Syndrome. How did this happen? How did he go from the baby he was, to this? Don’t get me wrong, he is amazing, I adore him, he is one of the eight most precious gifts God has given me. But God gave them to me to protect. Did I really do that with him? With Mikayla?

After a lot of time, and discussion with our pediatrician, and after one horrible melt down that lasted two days. We decided to have him tested. We are in that process now. I have read and researched and discussed this with many people who see these things everyday and it appears that these vaccines meant to protect them have damaged them. It breaks my heart. My children are damaged because I tried to protect them. Had we continued Mikayla’s immunizations she may have become like Micah, placing somewhere on the Autism spectrum. She may have been far worse and become none verbal. But the worst case scenario and it happens every year, she could have been dead. I have 8 children, 5 of which are fully vaccinated, 2 are partially and will never be fully, 1 that has 1 set and will never be vaccinated again. I have 1 child with acid reflux, 1 with asthma and allergies, 1 with dyslexia, 1 with mild ADD, 1 with horrible allergies, and two damaged enough to know it was the vaccines. I have only 1 of 8 that seem to be unaffected. But here is the thing, she has only had 1 set. However vaccine injury leads to acid reflux, asthma, and allergy problems as well as ADD and dyslexia.

If I had it to do over again I would have wanted informed consent. True informed consent. I would have wanted to have known I had a choice. As a Christian I am prolife. Have always been, yet many of the vaccines I injected into my children were harvested on aborted fetal tissue. I never knew this, I was never told this. I had to find it, after my child was damaged. I cannot teach my children abortion is wrong, then stick aborted babies cells into them. Even the Catholic church has religious exemptions against those immunizations harvested this way. If you are Catholic, did you know that? I bet most do not.

Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT against vaccines. They DO save lives. I am against the garbage we are dumping into our children via the vaccines. If you look into the research done in support of vaccine safety it is done by the pharmaceutical companies themselves. Not by blind studies. For every pro vaccine safety paper written there are countless that state they are not safe, and are linked to tons of diseases, yet NO ONE hears about them, or they are quietly discredited or ignored all together. Most doctors do not even know what is in the vaccines they are giving our kids or what those things do to our children. Ask yours? Mine did not. I once was told, by a doctor who did know what was in those shots and what those things do, that it was a “small amount” there for harmless. I responded with, “okay, but if a bee stings someone with an allergy, just how much venom will cause anaphylactic shock? Very small amount right? So how do we know that every single child we are giving mercury to can tolerate that ‘small amount’ safely; when it HAS been proven mercury is toxic in ALL levels. Or that those that are predisposed to egg allergies can handle that ‘small amount’ of chicken embryo cell in that injection without it killing them?” Food for thought, does your child have food allergies? Then is it safe to inject them with what they are allergic too?

So, back on track, we are a family that loves big and we love Micah more today than yesterday. And if his diagnosis, is just what the signs are pointing to, will we love him less? Absolutely not. Will we work harder to clean out his gut, and the toxins in his little body, absolutely yes! We have already started with a gluten free and casein free diet, for more on this diet just google the diet information.

For more on children on the Autism spectrum and this diet go: here







I want to challenge you to research before you immunize. You do have choices. You do not have to do the schedule offered. You can space them out, or you can choose to not immunize. Here is a great source by a great Pediatrician Dr. Sears: here

It should be a choice that you as a parent make, with an INFORMED decision. Do not take my word for it, do not take anyone else’s word for it, do not even take your doctor’s word (most times they do not even know what is in the vaccines they are being given. They get paid for every shot they administer and $.75 per vaccine given goes into a fund for vaccine court costs, yes there is a vaccine court. You cannot sue pharmaceutical companies without it going through a vaccine court first, and they are 95% thrown out as “coincidence illnesses and are not vaccine related”) do your research. Look up every vaccine, and it’s contents and look up what those contents are and what they do to the body. Look at the pros versus the cons of the vaccine and the diseases we vaccinate against. Do not live in fear that someone will take your child or you will be shunned by society if you choose to not vaccinate. Make an informed decision, then if you chose to vaccinate, do it, but do it with the knowledge you deserve. If you choose not to, then be strong about your decision as well.

Micah has been doing great on the new diet, we have only had a few set backs. He is amazing and strong and we will fight this as a family. We are not extremists, we are not zealots, we are a family that suffered because we tried to protect. I do not care who wants to argue with me that his vaccines triggered whatever in Micah that was predisposed to this monster called the Autism Spectrum. You do not live with my child, you did not watch the change, you did not see it, you do not live it, and until you do, you cannot say we are wrong. I only have one child that has not had some type of issue that is tied to the poisons they put in these vaccines. I pray someday “big pharma” listens ad begins to clean up our vaccines so they can do what they were created for, to save the lives of our loved ones; not harm them. Until then, I cannot vaccinate. But I do so for my own families safety. If you choose to do so, educate yourself.

People have asked me if I think he will be able to take care of himself when he is an adult. Yes I do. Many people live with Autism Spectrum diseases and live healthy and productive happy lives. I believe he was one of the lucky ones. He can still communicate, and is very intelligent. He is not a child who has become a non verbal shell of what once was. I praise God daily, that he is still Micah, that he isn’t like that, and my heart grieves and breaks for the families that have this terror happen to them. There could not be anything worse than to watch your child become a shell, and see the light leave their eyes. I cannot even imagine. I belong to online communities where their children have died after having the same reaction Mikayla had, and they continued to vaccinate, after they saw this reaction, because their doctor’s did not recognize the signs of vaccine reaction. I cry every time I think that Mikayla may not have been here today, had we not stopped vaccinating her. Even her doctor advised against any continuation. She has been incredibly supportive in this journey and we are grateful for her. Do I wish I could go back and change things for Micah? Yes every day. Do I know if it was really the vaccines? No; I have no proof at this point unless I have him tested for mercury and aluminum poisoning. But I don’t need it. I know it came from them. Do I know for sure if we hadn’t vaccinated him, this would not have happened? Again no, not without testing him for heavy metal poisoning. But I know when the changes started, I was the one who watched it happen. But I would have never vaccinated him, if I thought this could have been avoided. Until you walk down this path, or love someone who has, it is hard to relate. It is hard to say you support their decisions. But if you can look my son in the eye and say, this has absolutely NOTHING to do with your vaccines, and show me the science to prove it, the real science done on human cells not research done on large groups without blood draws etc; then do not try to preach that one this way. Until you can hold Mikayla in your arms and tell her if she had died it would have been for the “greater good” and be able to live with yourself, please respect the feelings we have. That has been supported by the research we have done.





My hope is to teach Micah to be the best he can be. To love fiercely and passionately. To be the best man of God, he was designed for, so one day he can be a husband, father and amazing human being. That he can hold on to his own life with both hands and know he has lived it to the fullest. Despite this bump in the road, I think he is off to a great start! 

Coming off a four day melt down...

Friday night we ministered in Mendota at Crossroads Coffee House.  It is always great to see Cathy and her family, we love them.  My poor brother, bless his heart ordered pizza one of those nights, can't remember if it was Friday or Thursday night.  I knew Micah was gonna freak out and want pizza, he loves it , and it is one of the very few things he will eat.  Cheese only of course, but he loves pizza.  So the pizza comes and I knew there was no way to get him to not want to eat it.  He is four, and with out a GFCF replacement, it is hard to tell him so he can understand, "no you can not eat that delicious pizza in front of you."  I should have made my poor brother eat it outside, I should have not allowed it to come into the house.  But I did, cause I didn't want to make my brother suffer because we are eating differently.  Needless to say Micah ate three pieces.  Three small pieces...packed with gluten and casein...it was a very bad, very bad thing.

I guess before all this we took for granted that food affected him, or ourselves for that matter like it does.  We teased Mark all weekend about giving Mikayla Mountain Dew...because she was up till 4:30 am.  But never would I have thought that pizza would really wreak such havoc in Micah's little body.  All weekend he was horrible, melt down after melt down.  Freak outs escalated, he became defiant, and he has been so well mannered for the last month.  He became unruly, and I was unable to get his attention.  He was head strong, and his obsessions quickly led to melt downs, he threw his evening routine out the window. His sensory issues sky rocketed.  He would scream and cry and not know why.  He was all in all, horrid.  I would cry because I wondered what the heck happened to my little man, who was becoming more centered and focused.  Pizza happened.  I sat with Cole and said, what was different besides the pizza, anything?  Did we miss something?  No, we had not veered from his regular routines, we didn't change anything, we just let him eat regular old pizza.  NEVER AGAIN.  Needless to say I finally found cheese alternative, but I have to go to Kroger's in Streator to find it.  That's a little over an hour away, apparently it freezes well thank goodness or I might have to pull my hair out.  But this way, I can make Mac N Cheese again, I can offer him Pizza again.  I can give him a substitute for the food he loves that won't send him into a four day tizzy.  Yes, four days.  Its Wednesday, and this morning when he got up, he did not freak out, he didn't melt down.  He wanted to go on the computer, and play one of his games (his new thing to obsess over) but he is a little more patient, and a little more focused this morning. I think the gluten is finally out.

This four day nightmare has taught me one huge thing, to trust my gut.  To know that the things God has spoken to me to do to help my son, is to be followed to the letter.  No matter who I offend I will not let that happen again.  I am going to have to be firm with the outside foods, lol.  If you don't live here, and want to eat foods that are in the danger zone, eat outside, or before you come.  I feel like the big bad wolf, but my poor son can't take gluten and casein, this whole event really hit that home for us.  My 13 year old looked at me two days ago and said, I can't wait till it gets out of his system.  It was funny because all I said was he ate some pizza, they knew from that, that I had allowed, we all allowed the enemies Gluten and Casein to infiltrate our little guys poor body...and it messed with his brain for four days...they knew it, they saw it and they sensed it.  If I questioned it before, I do not any longer- this diet works.  The few times Cole and I have veered off of it, while outside the house, we have both deeply regretted it later, if not immediately.  We felt the physical differences in our bodies.  We won't be cheating either. 

Today is my gorgeous oldest daughters 20th birthday.  It still blows my mind how awesome she is and that she is 20, a wife and an amazing mommy!  She has quickly become my best friend.  I just love her.  It was also just her 1st wedding anniversary.  Seems so odd that a year ago, life was different.  So much was different.  I helped give her away, and did part of her service.  It was the day she stepped out from under my wing and became the person I prayed she would one day become.  I just love her.  She makes me proud everyday.  I am so blessed.

It has been a crazy year.  I watched my oldest become a wife, I became a grandmother for the first time, things in the ministry rearranged again (and that is okay and we grew tremendously from it), Cole had back surgery and God taught us more about His provision, we had our whole world turned upside down because of a horrible situation that altered our family & taught us all a lot about God's faithfulness, I loved and I lost, Cole and I grew and loved and healed, we grieved and moved forward.  We lost his grandpa, we fell in love a little deeper, Cole got the best promotion we could have asked for, one that will enable us to do so much more with our family and for each other (and probably be debt free in about 5-7 years) & we learned that our fears we had that Micah really was a little different were true, but it taught us more about how  God uses those things to teach us acceptance and grace. It taught us about loving deeper, about letting God take you deeper into Him , letting Him hold you closer, about taking everyday to rejoice in what is and stop focusing on what was.  I love this kid, I am proud of him.  He rocks my world everyday.  When he cuddles up in my lap and gives me that 10 seconds of eye contact with those soft hazel eyes, I melt.  Different yes, less never, he is so much more than I am, than I could have asked for.  Would I do it over?  Not if it changed anything, I love him just the way he is...

My photo dump for the week-

GFCF Cereal made at home!!!

GFCF Replacements homemade!

I love love love Cinnamon Toast Crunch as well as Cookie Crisp and so do my kids!  But let's face it they are not GFCF! I found some great recipes here at Gluten free on a shoe string.  So of course I tried it!  And let me tell you they are delicious!!!!!  I will post the recipe on this blog post but PLEASE go check out her recipes and buy her books while you are there, they are amazing, and full of great GF recipes that can be converted easily to GFCF!  Micah LOVED THEM!  I out my changes in italics.  She also has a great Fruit Loop and Apple Jacks recipe, I will be trying those next!

Cinnamon Toast Crunch

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Recipe type: Breakfast

By: Nicole @ Gluten-Free on a Shoestring.com

Prep time: 20 mins

Cook time: 7 mins

Total time: 27 mins

Serves: 4 to 6

Gluten-free Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Ingredients

• 2 cups (280g) all-purpose gluten-free flour (I use Better Batter)(I used my own mix from a recipe)
• 1 teaspoon xanthan gum (omit if using Better Batter)
• 3 tablespoons (38g) whole grain teff (I did not use because I did not have)
• 3/4 cup (150g) sugar (plus more for dusting)
• 2 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon (plus more for dusting)
• 4 tablespoons (23g) buttermilk blend (I use Saco), I used a little Almond Milk
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 7 tablespoons (84g) vegetable shortening or Palm Oil Shortening
• 1/2 cup milk (lowfat is fine, nonfat is not) (I used Almond Milk to make it GFCF)

Instructions

1. Preheat your oven to 325 degrees F. Line rimmed baking sheets with parchment paper and set them aside.
2. In the bowl of your food processor fitted with the steel blade, place the flour, xanthan gum, teff, sugar, ground cinnamon, buttermilk blend, baking powder, baking soda and salt, and pulse to combine well. Dip clean, dry fingers in dry ingredients. With well-floured fingers, tear the shortening into small chunks and toss the pieces carefully in the dry ingredients. Flatten each of the well-floured pieces of shortening between your fingers. Pulse the processor a couple times to combine.
3. Pour the milk into the dry ingredients and pulse just until the dough comes together. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured piece of parchment paper, dust lightly with flour if sticky, and knead until smooth. Divide the dough into 3 pieces. Cover one piece of dough with another piece of parchment paper, and roll into a rectangle about 1/8 inch thick (the thickness of a nickel). It should roll out easily and cleanly. If not, dust lightly with flour and continue rolling.
4. Remove the top piece of parchment paper. With a pastry cutter or very sharp knife, even the edges of the rectangle. Slice into pieces about 1/2 inch square. Pierce each square carefully 2 or 3 with the tines of a fork.
5. Dip a small offset spatula in flour, and slide it under a row of squares to lift the squares off the paper. Transfer to a prepared baking sheet, and carefully separate the squares from one another a bit. They will not spread during baking. In a medium-sized bowl, combine sugar and ground cinnamon to taste, and sprinkle liberally over the tops of the squares arranged on the baking sheet. Place in the center of the preheated oven and bake for about 7 minutes or until lightly golden brown, rotating once during baking. Repeat with the remaining pieces of dough.
6. Allow to cool for a few minutes on the baking sheet. They will crisp as they cool.
7. Store leftovers in an airtight container. The whole recipe should nearly fit in 2 quart-sized mason jars.

Duly Noted

This recipe is made like pastry dough. The shortening should be broken up into chunks precisely as directed. I have not tested this with any substitutions, so I do not recommend you make any at all.
If you don’t have a food processor, a bowl and wooden spoon will work. Use a wire whisk to combine the dry ingredients, then create a well in the dry ingredients and shortening when it’s time to add the milk. Add the milk to the well, and use the spoon to mix together the dough until it just comes together. Turn the dough out onto lightly floured parchment paper, and proceed with the rest of the recipe as directed.

Cookie Crisp-style Cereal

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Recipe type: Cookies

By: Nicole @ Gluten-Free on a Shoestring.com

Prep time: 10 mins

Cook time: 10 mins

Total time: 20 mins

Serves: 4

Mini gluten-free chocolate chip cookies, in the style of Cookie Crisp Cereal

Ingredients

• 1 1/3 cups (187g) high-quality all-purpose gluten-free flour (Used my own mix)
• 1/2 teaspoon xanthan gum (omit if your blend already contains it)
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
•  2 cups chocolate chips (I used best life for vegans for GFCF version)
• 1/2 cup (100g) sugar
• 8 tablespoons (112g) unsalted butter, melted and cooled (I used Smart Balance light spread for vegans)
• 1 extra-large egg at room temperature, beaten
• 4 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
• 4 to 8 tablespoons milk, at room temperature (Almond milk for GFCF version)

Instructions

1. Preheat your oven to 325 degrees F. Line rimmed baking sheets with unbleached parchment paper, and set them aside.
2. In a large bowl, place the flour, xanthan gum, baking powder and salt, and whisk to combine well. Place the mini chocolate chips in a separate small bowl, add about 1 teaspoon of the whisked dry ingredients to the chips, toss to combine and set the chips aside.
3. To the bowl of dry ingredients, add the sugar and whisk to combine. Add the butter, egg and vanilla, and mix to combine. Add 4 tablespoons milk, and mix to combine. Add chips and reserved dry ingredients, and mix until the chips are evenly distributed throughout. Add more milk by the tablespoon until the batter is soft enough to pipe through a medium plain piping tip.
4. Pipe small, dime-sized portions of the dough through a medium plain piping tip on the prepared baking sheets, less than one inch apart (they won’t spread much during baking). With wet fingers, press down the center of the cookie so nothing is sticking out.
5. Place in the center of the preheated oven and bake for about 10 minutes, or until the mini cookies are golden brown around the edges and lightly brown on top. Allow to cool on the baking sheet until crispy, about 10 minutes.
6. Serve with cold milk.      

Got a call from the BMP today!

Finally heard from the BMP today for Micah's second assessment and the date for his eligibility meeting with us and the school system.  His second assessment called a "playdate" takes place in their office.  This is where the majority of his evaluation will take place, this is on October 16.  Then we meet with all the therapists and the school principle to see what help he will be eligible for, this is November 5.  Feels like a life time.  Today I have to take two of the middle girls for their school physicals and will talk to our pediatrician again so she can fax over the Autism Spectrum Diagnostic Needs referral to the Easter Seals office in Peoria.  So we can finally get the "medical diagnosis" done.
 It's funny how without an "official" diagnosis, when there is something different about your child you know it.  You don't need a "professional" to tell you what you already know.  But for the world, I guess society needs to have the words Autism Spectrum Disorder spoken out in  order to acknowledge that your child needs a little extra attention.  A little extra help in this world.  With our without a label, these kids are who they are.  Different.  But it isn't always a "bad different", there is such a joy and grace about so many of these little canaries.  I am grateful mine can communicate, that he hugs me, kisses me and tells me he loves me. And for a kid who will likely place on the spectrum, he will place high functioning, for this we are grateful.  I think my heart would break if he lost the ability to do those simple things we too often take for granted.  Too many of these kids can't tell you what they think and feel, they can't hug you and kiss you, they have been lost in a world of their own.  I am anxious to see change in them, I am anxious to see them set free.  I have read about child after child who has come out of this fog, with the GFCF diet and biomedical treatments.  Why are the mainstream doctors so scared of it?  Why do they fight that it works?  Well, I guess they would have to admit that if diet and biomedical detoxes a child into recovery, they would have to admit, some of the treatments (immunizations, environmental toxins, processed foods, etc.) may just be linked to the reasons these disorders occur in our children.  They would loss money. But that rant is for a later blog.
Right now I am noticing slight things in Micah from the diet change, less melt downs being one.  Until yesterday when we let him have birthday cake.  Ugh, he has been obsessing, melting down and frantic ever since.  No more cake unless it is GFCF, lol...we learned that one the hard way!!!
So until later, if you are a mom of a canary, love on them today, hold them tight!  They need your love even if they seem to reject it!  Be blessed!

Sometimes life is funny

Just a quick little rant-
Yesterday Micah was watching "Team Umizomi" and decided to inform us what a trapezoid was.  It is moments like these where I realize just how smart he really is.  It wasn't like he was copying team umizomi, he identified the shape before they said it on the episode as a trapezoid.  My 16 year old and I stood there and smiled at each other.  He makes me laugh, he makes me proud.  Then at dinner last night I was made brutally aware of his sensory issues again as I and my husband sat at the table trying to coax him into eating at least three bites of his meat loaf.  Of course I was bribing him with GFCF oreo style cookies.  But the fact that there was ketchup, rice and green onions in it, was a recipe for at least three consecutive melt downs...sometimes I wish trapezoid moments were the only thing that came out of his little mouth.  Those moments, keep my heart inline with the fact he is more then those melt downs, more then the freak outs and hysterics over ketchup touching his meat.  And Lord, do not make him touch the green beans.  Green foods freak him out.  Big time, major melt down!  Gaahhh, we have been waiting for the BMP to call us with the next assessment date, and Micah eagerly awaits going back to "Winkin" (Lincoln School) to play with his "yellow haired friend Cammie" AKA the speech therapist that was doing her initial eval on him. He is so funny, and such a challenge some days.  But goodness I love this boy!  Sometimes life is funny, sometimes it's  trapezoids, and sometimes it's green beans, but it is all good.  And it is all about love!

My little Blue Canary

"Canary in the coal mine" was a term the minors used back when mining was a popular occupation.  This expression refers to the practice of miners of taking canaries into the mines as living air quality indicators – if the canary keeled over they knew to get out of there because the air quality was deteriorating, and the bird was affected before everyone else. 
Many believe children and adults on the spectrum are like these birds, and are more prone to the toxins in our world.  The things we eat, the chemicals we clean with, the immunizations we inject into them, and our surroundings in general.  These individuals simply can not handle these toxins and their bodies become over run with the toxicity of the elements that enter into them, rendering them almost 'keeled over" under their influence.
I firmly believe that toxins from my body that transferred through my placenta, environmental toxins from food, began to break my little canary's immune system down.  I firmly believe he was predisposed to the damage down by yes you guess it, his MMR.  I can remember after he was born, he was so very bruised, immediately they jabbed him with Vitamin K, and then his Hep B shot.  He spent one week in the nursery under the lights to deal with a very bad case of jaundice.  I remember his regular pediatrician was on vacation, and another was covering for her.  I remember him saying he didn't understand why his bilirubin levels were so high.  It wasn't until about a year ago after much research that I think I stumbled upon the reason for it.  Vitamin K injections given to newborns are at a much much higher dosage then what they really need, the theory is that their tiny bodies will store the excess for later use.  I could give you all the links etc. but that will all come in due time.  Vitamin K while very important to stop hemorrhage in your newborn, whom are usually born deficient, has been found to cause hyperbilirubin in infants that have birth trauma.  Micah had birth trauma.  He was born with the widest part of his skull (ear up, face towards my right leg) instead of his crown presenting first. This caused excessive bruising to his face and neck.  Bruising, causes high bilirubin levels, Vitamin K causes hyperbilirubin after trauma, hmmmmm... I hear puzzle pieces falling together.
He was always a little eccentric, a little charmer, he crawled and walked early.  Was so stinking smart (still is).  After his MMR, it was a matter of weeks, that we began to notice strange behaviors.  Like his need to wear the same shoes and if you made him wear a different pair he would melt down and was inconsolable.  He could not stand condensation on his sippy cup and would scream at the fact his hands would get wet.  I could no longer cut his hair or nails without screaming in fear.  He claimed he was scared.  It was weird.  He started obsessing over  toys and pulling on his ears to the point at 4 years old his cartilage is not firm but like butter. He can shove his whole ear inside the hole. Everything was changing.  In time the meltdowns became more frequent and his obsessions would last weeks on end and only change at his discretion.  He stopped eating anything other than cereal, chocolate milk, mac n' cheese, cheese pizza, peanut butter sandwiches (which the crust HAD TO BE CUT OFF), in other words, sweets, carbs and dairy...ONLY.  He would literally projectile vomit if you tried to give him broccoli or mashed potatoes. 
I began to research and ran into Sensory Processing (Integration) Disorder.  It was so Micah.  For once we had a name, I talked to his pediatrician, she recommended a therapist, I kept reading and investigating.  That is how we got here.  With some sort of diagnosis on the spectrum.  It hasn't been given yet, it isn't in stone...but I know it is there. 
He had his first assessment last week, and they have already began pointing things out that were obviously sensory issues.  We are looking at two more assessments then hopefully he will be starting preschool and receiving therapies while there.  All this gets him immediate help while we wait for  the medical staff at Easter Seals to give us the actual medical "diagnosis".  That will be the next step.  this initial process helps us to also ensure our insurance will at least cover his diagnostic testing at Easter Seals.  The educational assessment, will be a great help with that.  But I was watching him tonight.  my little blue canary; and I feel like the cage door is open for him.  We are slowly integrating the GFCF diet into our family. I pray this helps with the melt downs.  I will have a lot of blogs later, explaining GFCF diet, and this journey.  I pray it helps heal me as well.  But my little canary, he is gonna be set free, every moment that he steps outside himself, and his sensory issues, every challenge met and conquered, opens the door a little bit more, till one day he will fly out.  I am NOT letting him "keel over" inside that cage in the mean time.  I love his sweet song way to much to allow that.  For all you mamma's of canaries , there time is coming to fly free, hang in there!

The eyes are the window to the soul

Those eyes.  They scream out," look at me!" 

I look at those eyes and I see so much.  But Micah doesn't look you in the eyes for very long.  Maybe a moment or two.  That's why I love this photo so much it's all about his eyes.  Rich with personality, rich with wonder and awe.  A good friend of ours Derek Brumby, caught some amazing shots of Micah the last time he came to visit...I can't wait to share them all with you.  There are some awesome eye shots.  Anyone that has a child on the spectrum can appreciate the eyes.  His haunt me.  I love when he is relaxed enough to really look at me in the eyes.  It's a moment I always want to capture.  This photo did just that.  We have such a long road ahead of us.  But I am forever grateful that it is what it is.  That it is not the horrors some families experience.  I can handle SPD, I can handle an Asperger's diagnosis.  Because my son is still in there, he can still smile back at me.  Praise you God, we have that.  Praise you Father, for the fact he is still Micah, just with a few little quirks that range from obsessive behaviors, to major melt downs.  But he is still my son.  In all his little weird triggers and quirky behaviors...he is still my gorgeous, smart, intelligent, loving, brilliant, funny, goofy, little man.  A blessing from heaven, a little angel in the disguise of a 4 year old.  But oh those eyes!

I am a little nervous for tomorrow, not because I am afraid they will tell me what I already know, but because he will shortly have a label I have to explain to others.  And other people will label him as weird, odd, spoiled, bratty, out of control.  They know nothing.  But I plan to educate them if it is the last thing I do!  Watch out world, here we come!